Holy Fuck, Sports

World May Be Burning, But At Least We Have Sportsball

Everyone’s excitement about the EURO 2020 Championship reached fever pitch a few days ago when England claimed a narrow victory over Denmark 2-1 to progress to the finals against Italy, threatening to break a drought that has stuck around since 1966.

A thrillingly tense penalty shootout, however, saw Italy take the trophy 1-1 (3-2), disappointing heartbroken football fans across England. There has been no love lost on social media, with outpourings of support for the English team and their performance.

The English Football Association also copped a €30,000 ($36,000) fine after a fan aimed a laser pointer into the eyes of Denmark goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel during England’s semifinal victory at Wembley Stadium.

In other news, Novak Djokovic has taken the Wimbledon 2021 trophy, earning him 20 Grand Slam victories – which puts him on equal footing with tennis legends Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Djokovic started strong and held Matteo Berrettini at arm’s length with scores of 6-7 (4-7), 6-4, 6-4, 6-3 to eventually claim the victory.

Conor McGregor suffered a devastating loss against Dustin Poirier in the lightweight UFC arena after a sickening broken leg put a doctor’s stoppage on the bout in the first round, with UFC president Dana White foreshadowing a rematch.

“The fight didn’t get finished. You can’t have a fight finish that way.”

Dana White

And finally, in other boring news nobody gives a shit about, more than half the countries on Earth are currently experiencing an average increase in COVID-19 cases of approximately 12% when compared to the week prior, a(nother) billionaire is being investigated for massive financial fraud and unlawful manipulation, Sir Richard Branson went to fucking space just for the hell of it and the Sun emitted a giant X-class solar flare with the “energy equivalent of millions of 100-megaton hydrogen bombs exploding at the same time.”

Stay tuned for more breaking sports news!

World May Be Burning, But At Least We Have Sportsball | Everyone’s excitement about the EURO 2020 Championship reached fever pitch a few days ago when England claimed a narrow victory over Denmark 2-1 to progress…